Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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