just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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