i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
