Define "chronic" masturbator.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
