He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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