so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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