it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
