on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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