and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
