Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
