She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
