Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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