I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
