Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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