her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
