Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
