hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
