i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
