dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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