I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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