I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
