yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
