yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
