Im at strip club and am horny
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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