Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
