Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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