you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Redeem this text for a blowjob
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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