There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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