I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
