so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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