Umm I'm too high to move.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She bit a glass in half.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
