I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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