i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
