Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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