I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
