Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
