I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
why is half of my head shaved?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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