I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
