I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
