the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
