we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
