Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
