im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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