So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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