She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
two words: eviction party
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
