Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
