Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
