He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
