He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
