He kissed a someone with a penis
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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