I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
