I just made out with a guy for $7.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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