As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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