you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
