I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
