some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
