It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
