Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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