she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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