after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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