I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
