Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
