Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
