I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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